I was reminiscing a little the other day about this year and found that, maybe I really did a lot but I forgot most of the year. Looking back, and then this realization came in that I did not cut my hair this year, I did not bleach it and never did dye it, and that’s when I knew, this was a bleak year for me.

I started the year promising this year was gonna be different and here we are 12 months away and the only thing I did was heal my two piercings with the third one rejecting. I did not listen to a lot of music this year, and no new artist discovered. Did not wear that much makeup when going out, and cannot remember even dressing up. I was having some solo dates but stopped midyear, stopped documenting it even when I planned to do some end of year video again. well i find myself short on that now.

My mother got hospitalized mid year, a cousin took his own life. Friends who I thought is forever cut me off, little to nobody reached back when I reach out.

I stopped writing (well this was my first this year), it was really that bad, i found like two on my notes, when way back I write like crazy. I escaped through books again but guess what, still read less than I did last year. Went on a hunt for perfume this year, but still cannot find my one true love again, I felt like even those that I ended up liking being too expensive to keep up. I wanted to junk journaling, well there’s that, I committed to it along with finally doing my old travels journal.

I also lost my job of almost 7 years. Now, the full savings I did add to my bank this year was asked by my father to start his business again. How can I get back up again? Though i am grateful that even though I lost my job, I found some clients to tide me over. I hope I get to have more next year to fill up my savings. I really wanted to move out so bad. But I guess I’ll never get to that point. And I hate that I may be able to only do that if I marry and mygod, with this economy with even having no food at the table a big problem to me, I do not know if I will ever be ready.

I think I broke my spirit this year. I hope 2026 is kinder to me.

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